So I realize I started this five part series about getting real, then disappeared. What can I say, Life Happens... And thank goodness it does!! I have since relocated to a much more desirable nest. Yes, I said nest! Because when you learn to fly, you no longer need "dwellings" as much as you need a Place to just rest for a bit. Upon arriving and settling in, in my new nest; you know spreading feathers about, and finding the good feeding spots, I noticed my modern day air card does not have reception! How blessed I am, a beautiful sign for me to close my beak... Before I started squaking! I can not, no let me re-phrase, I will not apologize for the lack of a heads up because I was following the signs. It also turns out, my phone and tv reception are limited as well. I have taken this as a time to listen and learn. To reflect. With that being said, and apart from the "Getting Real" series I do feel compelled to share what this Hallow's Eve brought to me. Also, how fitting it is in old fashioned time delay due to flying to a temporary coop with reception the day after to share! Talk about getting back to the basics!! Without further ado my thoughts from last night thinned veil!!
Thinks be careful to the words you speak to others, be vigilant with those you speak to yourself.
Hallow's eve, I retreated to honor my family, the people who knew me when I was little, the people who knew me; me, me!!! The me before I grew up and made what allowed to be labeled unforgivable mistakes. Not that I didn't make mistakes as a child, but they were learning mistakes. Then we grow up with this programming and our learning mistakes, even ones we make over and over again become doing what we know is wrong. Well who says??? Why do we hold ourselves more accountable because we have more years behind us? Have we been this age, this body, this predicament before? Why should we know better? Did we only fall off our bike once when we were six? Well some of us yes. But I bet there are those who still have training wheels. Why is there a value placed on how fast and how much we learn and when?
Why is it not just important that we are living and learning? Why is it not appropriate that if we mess up at 35, the same circumstance will arrive at 36 or 40? Or 50 for that matter! Why do we let others, in essence ourselves judge where and how and what we should be?
When we learned to walk, we fell and fell and hit our bums, no body said oh that's bad! No, they say try again and again.... Never give up, and out of determination and tears and trust in those watching we try and try again. Did we feel humiliation? NO!!! Frustration maybe, but frustration is a beautiful self motivator! It comes from within. It is not external!!! It is the sole reason we didn't continue to fall! Why? Because we found our own balance! Aha!!!! Balance!
So why when we make a mistake as an adult are we told we should have known better? Who does this? But more importantly why do we allow it to matter?
That is my question on this Hallow's Eve, this night of honoring those that touched our life. I feel blessed they passed when I was young and my mistakes were innocent and during that process of thinking, I hear " Angel " ( my Nana ) your mistakes are still innocent. I hear my grandfather laugh and say "does innocent matter?" "What did you learn?" Then I hear my father, say "I watched all your mistakes, your adult mistakes and when are you going to get it little girl, the only person you answer to is you. Your born alone, you die alone, you wake up god willing alone, and when you fall asleep regardless of what you have surrounded yourself with, you sleep alone. If your mistakes, lessons, life, all of it, if it makes you happy, then fall on your ass everyday, just know your the only one that can pick you up. And by the way, all those external cheers, all that back slapping comes at a price. You make someone laugh, they are going to want you to make them laugh for the rest of your life. Count on you....." With tears streaming, and my head throbbing, the air, the room, becomes dense.... it's the veil... It is closing....
We have no time for shame
We have no time for blame
We do what we know always innocently until we know better.
And if we do for others what we will not do for ourselves, on our asses we will fall. Again and again.
And sometimes we fall on our asses because we have lost our own frustration, our own secret motivation- regardless of who's watching! We have lost our balance. Good news is, we are the only ones who can get it back!!!
In gratitude, let me wake up tomorrow and gift myself whatever forgiveness I think I need.
Allow me the courage to not care who is watching, and find my own gift. My own frustration. My own desire.
Let me hold myself as a child, alone and learning. Let me look in the mirror and know I am different, I am special. And just because you couldn't doesn't mean I can't. Finally, let me spread my wings and be the Angel I have always been.
With love, let me fall on my ass!
Namaste... A girl and her Dog!!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Getting Real Part 2...
This is without a doubt the hardest five part blog I will write. I will admit I have started it at least 50 times and then crumbled the page. Then it hit me, I was just in those moments losing the very thing I was writing about. I stared at the pile of crumbled pages, and thought none of them say what I want to say so you will understand. What if what I had written doesn't touch someone.... anyone? It's that easy to put a mask on... I found myself trying to word things differently in hopes that the message would be heard.
So when I tell you this is vigilant work, and that an old habit- like slipping on a mask happens so quickly, so easily, it's scary!!
So, I did what I do every morning. Some of you will think it's crazy, some may try it, some may think, yes, that makes sense. I have never had a problem loving everyone...my problem was I didn't love myself. I have always been out going, social, confident, knowing and while they may be traits of my personality, I deep down did not love or value myself. I wasn't always like that, it happened somewhere through the years, and I firmly believe with all my heart it happens to each of us at one point or another. It's also common knowledge the more we hide from ourselves the more we show up in our own way.
So here is my real. I walked into the bathroom, where it all started and I look in the mirror. I don't look in vain, I look into my eyes. If I have make-up on I wash it off. The headband goes on to pull the hair off my face, and I look. I look until the details of the day, what I did, what I didn't get done, what I should have done all fade away. I look until there is nothing but me, my heart and soul staring back at me. It is there the conversation begins. Now I know they joke if you talk to yourself they say your crazy, some say it's only if you answer. Well, I do both. I separate the physical me staring in the glass and ask my true self to come forward. I humbly ask for answers...and sure enough the questions come, and so do the answers. Sometimes it is a silent conversation in my head with my heart and other times it's out loud. But my heart, my soul, always answer. My first question is, am I honoring you? You'll be surprised at your soul's sense of humor. It will say if you were you wouldn't ask...To which I ask how can I honor you better? it pauses, then says you know.... I ask for forgiveness, and instantly hear it is always yours. I say, but I tried so hard! Comfort wraps me and I hear, I know. Again I ask, How do I do better? and my soul answers...with love. I protest I am scared, my soul says...of what? Some days I say everything, to which my soul says, it's me...and you know that's not true. Have you not failed and still been ok? Have you not messed up, but not learned something in the process? To which I say a resentful yes. My soul says firmly, there's no room for that here. I look deeper and hear, you are ok. You will be ok. Just love.... I bow my head...most times with tears....and I hear the last words; Yourself. Love yourself. Love me. The love you think your giving everyone else is not so, not until you grow your own love in your soil. I look back up, with a red blotchy face, and hear, Yes even now. It's me and I love you, just believe it....
The reason, well one of the reasons is I am still stripping Masks, and I am still learning to forgive myself. AS life continues and we stumbled on our paths, grow tired, sell out for a moment, put on a mask for a false fear, makes forgiving a continual process..... Please understand that is the most beautiful part, when we forgive ourselves, we can love ourselves authentically. In amazed awe, that is when our love really impacts others.
I need to take a moment to Thank all the people that have and still love me despite this balancing of love for myself.
The first thing I ever did that I couldn't forgive myself for, and where I lost "love of self" follows. It is just the beginning....the rest will come in the third blog. I am taking you into my private world, so you can see there is nothing that can not be found if sought-Like forgiveness with love. Without further comment, here is where it all started for me....at Age 4.
I did something when I was little, that as a child seemed harmless, but the ramifications were huge. It's something I never forgave myself for. Until very recently. And while, much much good has come from my years of overcompensating, it wasn't honoring myself. It was more like trying to fill a deficit.
It is true I was born with a bone disease, a very rare bone disease. When I was born there was of course some alarm, but it appeared as though while it was inside of me, it was dormant. At the age of four, my mom like most moms was my whole world. I would emulate her. If she was on the phone pacing and talking, I was in my play pen, toy phone in hand; talking, pacing, laughing when she laughed, gasping when she gasped, I wanted to be like her. All children do this, they mimic our behavior, not our words.
I remember the day like it was yesterday, when you've done something wrong, failed yourself, or feel you've failed someone you love-you hold it very close. Vividly close. It is from that moment on you question your ability, your worth, and the love your taught to feel vanishes from you, unfortunately until you discover that you are always worth forgiveness. It will stay deep seated until you realize forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself.
Back to the past, my mom was going out with my Dad and they had gotten me a sitter. This person will remain nameless, because there is no reason to possibly burden someone, that may be unaware. Besides, it's not the point. When the sitter was watching me, or rather not watching me I went into the bathroom, to play dress up. I remember all the times I sat on the floor and watched my mom "make herself pretty" Ironic, because she has been an incredibly beautiful woman her whole life, without a stitch of make-up and wild wavy hair, if she ever let it dry verses blowing it out straight. I climbed up on the sink, and opened the medicine chest. I put on powder, lipstick, I brushed my hair. I even tilted my head the way mom did to make sure you look good from all sides, every morning mom did this. Now, I got to do it too!! Best of all the sitter let me, checking in while on the phone and laughing, I can imagine being four I looked liked a clown, but to me I looked as pretty as my mom.
Then I did it. Part of me knew it was wrong, but somehow the routine wouldn't be complete. I reached up for that little packet. That curious packet of tiny little pills all in a row. Mom took one every day, and since I was going to be like mom, I took one. They were birth control pills, which triggered my formally dormant hormonally based disease, and sent ripples of panic through my family and myself for years to come....
Getting real means accepting all your truths. I am choosing to share mine. I can only say this, sharing with anyone other then yourself is not necessary. The point of Getting real is your way of honoring and loving and forgiving yourself. It is all you need to be concerned with!! I am choosing to share to show examples from my journey, and the damage that can happen if you don't....more to come in Part 3....
In gratitude, with much much love for me! And each and every one of you.....
A girl and Her Dog
So when I tell you this is vigilant work, and that an old habit- like slipping on a mask happens so quickly, so easily, it's scary!!
So, I did what I do every morning. Some of you will think it's crazy, some may try it, some may think, yes, that makes sense. I have never had a problem loving everyone...my problem was I didn't love myself. I have always been out going, social, confident, knowing and while they may be traits of my personality, I deep down did not love or value myself. I wasn't always like that, it happened somewhere through the years, and I firmly believe with all my heart it happens to each of us at one point or another. It's also common knowledge the more we hide from ourselves the more we show up in our own way.
So here is my real. I walked into the bathroom, where it all started and I look in the mirror. I don't look in vain, I look into my eyes. If I have make-up on I wash it off. The headband goes on to pull the hair off my face, and I look. I look until the details of the day, what I did, what I didn't get done, what I should have done all fade away. I look until there is nothing but me, my heart and soul staring back at me. It is there the conversation begins. Now I know they joke if you talk to yourself they say your crazy, some say it's only if you answer. Well, I do both. I separate the physical me staring in the glass and ask my true self to come forward. I humbly ask for answers...and sure enough the questions come, and so do the answers. Sometimes it is a silent conversation in my head with my heart and other times it's out loud. But my heart, my soul, always answer. My first question is, am I honoring you? You'll be surprised at your soul's sense of humor. It will say if you were you wouldn't ask...To which I ask how can I honor you better? it pauses, then says you know.... I ask for forgiveness, and instantly hear it is always yours. I say, but I tried so hard! Comfort wraps me and I hear, I know. Again I ask, How do I do better? and my soul answers...with love. I protest I am scared, my soul says...of what? Some days I say everything, to which my soul says, it's me...and you know that's not true. Have you not failed and still been ok? Have you not messed up, but not learned something in the process? To which I say a resentful yes. My soul says firmly, there's no room for that here. I look deeper and hear, you are ok. You will be ok. Just love.... I bow my head...most times with tears....and I hear the last words; Yourself. Love yourself. Love me. The love you think your giving everyone else is not so, not until you grow your own love in your soil. I look back up, with a red blotchy face, and hear, Yes even now. It's me and I love you, just believe it....
The reason, well one of the reasons is I am still stripping Masks, and I am still learning to forgive myself. AS life continues and we stumbled on our paths, grow tired, sell out for a moment, put on a mask for a false fear, makes forgiving a continual process..... Please understand that is the most beautiful part, when we forgive ourselves, we can love ourselves authentically. In amazed awe, that is when our love really impacts others.
I need to take a moment to Thank all the people that have and still love me despite this balancing of love for myself.
The first thing I ever did that I couldn't forgive myself for, and where I lost "love of self" follows. It is just the beginning....the rest will come in the third blog. I am taking you into my private world, so you can see there is nothing that can not be found if sought-Like forgiveness with love. Without further comment, here is where it all started for me....at Age 4.
I did something when I was little, that as a child seemed harmless, but the ramifications were huge. It's something I never forgave myself for. Until very recently. And while, much much good has come from my years of overcompensating, it wasn't honoring myself. It was more like trying to fill a deficit.
It is true I was born with a bone disease, a very rare bone disease. When I was born there was of course some alarm, but it appeared as though while it was inside of me, it was dormant. At the age of four, my mom like most moms was my whole world. I would emulate her. If she was on the phone pacing and talking, I was in my play pen, toy phone in hand; talking, pacing, laughing when she laughed, gasping when she gasped, I wanted to be like her. All children do this, they mimic our behavior, not our words.
I remember the day like it was yesterday, when you've done something wrong, failed yourself, or feel you've failed someone you love-you hold it very close. Vividly close. It is from that moment on you question your ability, your worth, and the love your taught to feel vanishes from you, unfortunately until you discover that you are always worth forgiveness. It will stay deep seated until you realize forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself.
Back to the past, my mom was going out with my Dad and they had gotten me a sitter. This person will remain nameless, because there is no reason to possibly burden someone, that may be unaware. Besides, it's not the point. When the sitter was watching me, or rather not watching me I went into the bathroom, to play dress up. I remember all the times I sat on the floor and watched my mom "make herself pretty" Ironic, because she has been an incredibly beautiful woman her whole life, without a stitch of make-up and wild wavy hair, if she ever let it dry verses blowing it out straight. I climbed up on the sink, and opened the medicine chest. I put on powder, lipstick, I brushed my hair. I even tilted my head the way mom did to make sure you look good from all sides, every morning mom did this. Now, I got to do it too!! Best of all the sitter let me, checking in while on the phone and laughing, I can imagine being four I looked liked a clown, but to me I looked as pretty as my mom.
Then I did it. Part of me knew it was wrong, but somehow the routine wouldn't be complete. I reached up for that little packet. That curious packet of tiny little pills all in a row. Mom took one every day, and since I was going to be like mom, I took one. They were birth control pills, which triggered my formally dormant hormonally based disease, and sent ripples of panic through my family and myself for years to come....
Getting real means accepting all your truths. I am choosing to share mine. I can only say this, sharing with anyone other then yourself is not necessary. The point of Getting real is your way of honoring and loving and forgiving yourself. It is all you need to be concerned with!! I am choosing to share to show examples from my journey, and the damage that can happen if you don't....more to come in Part 3....
In gratitude, with much much love for me! And each and every one of you.....
A girl and Her Dog
Sunday, October 2, 2011
DO the Doodle!! This is perfect timing for getting real...
Hello everyone, I am doing as you know a five part series of posts on getting real. And that involves turning inward to get closer to our peace, our desires, our fears, and as I have said it can be hard. Well until, I met Melissa...I am choosing to use her course as a fun wait to bring all these things and more to light!!
So, what do you say? Sign up- give it a try, let's discover what secrets the doodle holds together!!!
So, what do you say? Sign up- give it a try, let's discover what secrets the doodle holds together!!!
melissaannecolors.com
Register NOW for the October Do The Doodle™ 30 Day Challenge. October 3 - 28!!! Registration only $35 and includes a FREE copy of my Doodle Discovery eBook!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Getting Real...
I was in fact suppose to post this a little over two weeks ago....I do believe everything happens for a reason, and had I posted it then despite my best efforts it would have been incomplete. Let me explain why; while I have been practicing "getting real" there have been a series of events in the last two weeks that really tested my initial thoughts on this subject. So now I can come to you, not only with suggestion and ways to practice, but with some results as well.
Now, on to getting real.... We wear many faces, this is not a bad thing. We have certain faces for family, due to patterns that have been established over the years. We have a face for friends, sometimes many, depending on the the nature of the friendships. We have our professional face, for what society thinks is acceptable to fit into a larger collective consciousness. So I sat down and wrote out all the different faces, or masks I wear. Again, we all do this. And it is important to note we do it with the best of intentions, and to achieve the best possible outcome for any scenario we find ourselves in. But here's the problem, we are only showing a portion of ourselves. So lets change the word of face to mask. The very image of mask, is something we wear to cover part of ourselves, just as we do with clothing. Why do we wear them? Protection. Let us ask protection for who? For ourselves, or for others? Maybe sometimes both. The portion we do show either comes from ego, thinking it's what will serve best; Fear, because we are scared others might not understand our true selves; Habit, because it is what we have been taught to do and therefore have always done, and we do what we think works. But Again, I challenge you. First I challenged myself. We deserve to show our true selves for our own well being, other people deserve our whole self, and lastly so does the world.
Most of us probably think, we do know our whole self...I know I did....until I realized I didn't. You can't know something unless you take an interest in it. Until you know and are comfortable with the good the bad and the ugly. If we don't accept certain things about ourselves, how are others ever going to understand it, much less see it? This is where we make a conscious effort to see all of ourselves, all the time. Again, because we need to, we deserve to.This is where practice begins.... And how you choose to do it, only you know. But if we can release the burden of the luggage we carry full of all these "Masks" to pull out whenever we feel like we need need them ends. Because as long as we carry our masks, we are depriving most importantly ourselves and others from the beautiful uniqueness and gifts we have to offer. We deny ourselves resources from source, and we deny others authenticity. This is what is happening, and this is a direct result of the situations we find ourselves in despite our best efforts not to.
I wish I could tell you getting real is easy, that you receive a sense of clarity instantly, and that everyone reacts positively. It would be a lie. Which brings to me to the word "lie" - we lie to ourselves a little each day, sometimes we lie to others, and when we put on our correct "masks" for the right circumstances, well that is the most harmful lie of all. At this point, I am willing to bet some of you are very uncomfortable with this. Please keep reading....
I know I was. When I decided to sit down and write down all the masks I wore, I felt fake, vulnerable, and all of the sudden untrustworthy of myself not to tow the higher line I had been gifted, one main reason was fear of failure and success. The other was sheer disappointment in how I had treated myself. Trust was a big issue as well. If I didn't trust my true self would be accepted, and had never shown it, then all of my relationships held a sense of false representation. And while if I lost anyone or anything, it wouldn't mean much because after all, they didn't know the "real' me and if they had I wouldn't have had these relationships at all. That left me feeling like a thief. I had to be a certain way, other then my truest self to try and deserve the relationships I had. That's a scary thought!! And a very hurtful one. But most importantly, a way none of us should have to live.
But I am willing to bet this is how a lot of us live, and have so for so long, we have forgotten about it. We are taught very young to mold ourselves into what society at large accepts to fit in, and what exactly are we "fitting in" to? A larger collective state of being. I am writing this because if we look around, at the chaos, the illness, the budget issues, the average state of mind, the sadness, pain, inefficiency, misunderstandings, wars, all of our worldly surroundings....it isn't a pretty picture. Never mind, what we are doing to ourselves and our lands. Is this really the larger collective state we want to be a part of? How is it working for us? Do you wake up happy ready to seize the day, feeling authentic, energized and ready to face the day and make a difference, or do you wake up tired, exhausted even with your mind racing about things that may go wrong before your even fully awake? Let me assure you, not only are we robbing ourselves, we are robbing a higher sense of collective awareness that would actually make a difference. But we can''t go out and change the world unless we are willing to start with ourselves.
This is where I started....just with myself. I might add it took awhile. Remember that list of masks I made, I picked it up and put it down several times. But as I withdrew from that larger collective state of being and decided to just look at myself individually is where it started. It started, if you've read my blogs because i was completely responsible for being off track, and I asked for it all to stop. And that is where my "real" work began. I had been gifted a cleared table, and I am sure that what I choose to place on it matches my truest self, win lose or draw. The good news is I know exactly what I have. I know I consciously chose it, and again most importantly, I know I deserve it! Without a mask!! If this touched you in any way, please stay tunes for my next blog, I am going to share how I did it. It might work for you, it might not....but there are unlimited ways to achieve it, and I will list all that I know.
My mission is this, the truth is there is power in numbers. And while we are so much stronger then we might believe we are, when we gather together we can create a collective state of being that serves us much better then what we are masking and settling for now.
Lastly, I have to say I am blessed to be surrounded by people that have already done this work, and much gratitude goes to them for when I "got stuck" So I know some of you are reading this and saying Nichole, tell me something I don't know-to you I say Thank you. But I am sure there are others that do want to know more, or even have an interest in how I removed the masks. And maybe you know some too.... So I humbly ask to share my blog, and my posts so we can walk together.....towards what we really want. The next blog is the practice and the art of doing this.....
With much much love,
A girl and her Dog (after all, it was Dudley who showed me- we needn't wear masks, he never has and he never will. In gratitude for my daily furry reminder!!
Now, on to getting real.... We wear many faces, this is not a bad thing. We have certain faces for family, due to patterns that have been established over the years. We have a face for friends, sometimes many, depending on the the nature of the friendships. We have our professional face, for what society thinks is acceptable to fit into a larger collective consciousness. So I sat down and wrote out all the different faces, or masks I wear. Again, we all do this. And it is important to note we do it with the best of intentions, and to achieve the best possible outcome for any scenario we find ourselves in. But here's the problem, we are only showing a portion of ourselves. So lets change the word of face to mask. The very image of mask, is something we wear to cover part of ourselves, just as we do with clothing. Why do we wear them? Protection. Let us ask protection for who? For ourselves, or for others? Maybe sometimes both. The portion we do show either comes from ego, thinking it's what will serve best; Fear, because we are scared others might not understand our true selves; Habit, because it is what we have been taught to do and therefore have always done, and we do what we think works. But Again, I challenge you. First I challenged myself. We deserve to show our true selves for our own well being, other people deserve our whole self, and lastly so does the world.
Most of us probably think, we do know our whole self...I know I did....until I realized I didn't. You can't know something unless you take an interest in it. Until you know and are comfortable with the good the bad and the ugly. If we don't accept certain things about ourselves, how are others ever going to understand it, much less see it? This is where we make a conscious effort to see all of ourselves, all the time. Again, because we need to, we deserve to.This is where practice begins.... And how you choose to do it, only you know. But if we can release the burden of the luggage we carry full of all these "Masks" to pull out whenever we feel like we need need them ends. Because as long as we carry our masks, we are depriving most importantly ourselves and others from the beautiful uniqueness and gifts we have to offer. We deny ourselves resources from source, and we deny others authenticity. This is what is happening, and this is a direct result of the situations we find ourselves in despite our best efforts not to.
I wish I could tell you getting real is easy, that you receive a sense of clarity instantly, and that everyone reacts positively. It would be a lie. Which brings to me to the word "lie" - we lie to ourselves a little each day, sometimes we lie to others, and when we put on our correct "masks" for the right circumstances, well that is the most harmful lie of all. At this point, I am willing to bet some of you are very uncomfortable with this. Please keep reading....
I know I was. When I decided to sit down and write down all the masks I wore, I felt fake, vulnerable, and all of the sudden untrustworthy of myself not to tow the higher line I had been gifted, one main reason was fear of failure and success. The other was sheer disappointment in how I had treated myself. Trust was a big issue as well. If I didn't trust my true self would be accepted, and had never shown it, then all of my relationships held a sense of false representation. And while if I lost anyone or anything, it wouldn't mean much because after all, they didn't know the "real' me and if they had I wouldn't have had these relationships at all. That left me feeling like a thief. I had to be a certain way, other then my truest self to try and deserve the relationships I had. That's a scary thought!! And a very hurtful one. But most importantly, a way none of us should have to live.
But I am willing to bet this is how a lot of us live, and have so for so long, we have forgotten about it. We are taught very young to mold ourselves into what society at large accepts to fit in, and what exactly are we "fitting in" to? A larger collective state of being. I am writing this because if we look around, at the chaos, the illness, the budget issues, the average state of mind, the sadness, pain, inefficiency, misunderstandings, wars, all of our worldly surroundings....it isn't a pretty picture. Never mind, what we are doing to ourselves and our lands. Is this really the larger collective state we want to be a part of? How is it working for us? Do you wake up happy ready to seize the day, feeling authentic, energized and ready to face the day and make a difference, or do you wake up tired, exhausted even with your mind racing about things that may go wrong before your even fully awake? Let me assure you, not only are we robbing ourselves, we are robbing a higher sense of collective awareness that would actually make a difference. But we can''t go out and change the world unless we are willing to start with ourselves.
This is where I started....just with myself. I might add it took awhile. Remember that list of masks I made, I picked it up and put it down several times. But as I withdrew from that larger collective state of being and decided to just look at myself individually is where it started. It started, if you've read my blogs because i was completely responsible for being off track, and I asked for it all to stop. And that is where my "real" work began. I had been gifted a cleared table, and I am sure that what I choose to place on it matches my truest self, win lose or draw. The good news is I know exactly what I have. I know I consciously chose it, and again most importantly, I know I deserve it! Without a mask!! If this touched you in any way, please stay tunes for my next blog, I am going to share how I did it. It might work for you, it might not....but there are unlimited ways to achieve it, and I will list all that I know.
My mission is this, the truth is there is power in numbers. And while we are so much stronger then we might believe we are, when we gather together we can create a collective state of being that serves us much better then what we are masking and settling for now.
Lastly, I have to say I am blessed to be surrounded by people that have already done this work, and much gratitude goes to them for when I "got stuck" So I know some of you are reading this and saying Nichole, tell me something I don't know-to you I say Thank you. But I am sure there are others that do want to know more, or even have an interest in how I removed the masks. And maybe you know some too.... So I humbly ask to share my blog, and my posts so we can walk together.....towards what we really want. The next blog is the practice and the art of doing this.....
With much much love,
A girl and her Dog (after all, it was Dudley who showed me- we needn't wear masks, he never has and he never will. In gratitude for my daily furry reminder!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
How the girl met the dog...
As I sat in a law firm today going over the ins-outs, failures, misunderstandings, about myselff and my soon to be ex-husband, it seemed appropriate that I now explain how "A Girl and her Dog" came to be.... How we met. My marriage was dead, actually it was never "alive" It was two people who thought they knew themselves that made a business agreement to start over after seven years of trying to make it work. Needless to say it didn't take long until we could add that to our own list as well as the other's of blame shame guilt and sadly willing to be with someone and be miserable then have the courage to possibly be happy alone. I had always had pets, I had been bringing home strays since I was a child. In fact my husband, was very much like a lost stray that I made the mistake of thinking just needed someone to love him. It turns out, he just needed someone to despise more then himself.
After years of emotional abandonment of my own doing, as I wasn't chained in a basement or anything. I decided to go to the local shelter and find someone, something...to just love me. See that's the wonderful thing about animals, they do what we can most times only imagine. As I walked up and down the aisles looking at one pleading face after another, I was resolved in all my hurt and bitterness to "just look." I came across a fawn colored lab mix, she was scared, sweet, passive, she was in essence me. She upon kneeling down and coaching her to the front of the cage very ill. The whole time I was trying to persuade this little doll to give me an ounce of trust, there was this crazy loud jumping black dog; crying, barking and literally tearing at the grated door. I waved over a person who worked there, and upon his looking at her whisked her off to the back to See the vet. I decided to wait to see if she'd be ok. Since I was waiting, I decided to turn around and see this crazy obnoxiously frantic black mess with a scar between his eyes, and pay him some attention thinking maybe he would quiet down. As I walked over to him, my mom standing just behind me, he sat down and put one calm paw up on the grate door. I bent down and placed my hand on his paw. His eyes caught mine, and mine his. Then that mirror thing happened, you know when you look at something and identify with it immediately? Like looking in a mirror! Not a single difference. I wanted to be that female fawn dog; sweet demure, cautiously trusting, even sick (so I would have a reason for where I was.) But, the truth was, my real mirror was right behind me. Faking it, making the most noise, trying to be the most social and get attention, even though when it is paid to me I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. That was Dudley!! The second we locked eyes, we both knew, we were scared, we were at the end of our roads, but we were going to go down barking! And as soon as we stopped to pay attention to each other, he became calm, a little skittish, then tried to get excited again to bluff me. And I stayed down but got excited too. The man came back to tell me the other dog was too ill for adoption. I told him I hoped she'd be ok, but could I spend some time with Dudley. The man grabbed a leash and he eagerly followed the man, wanting to please. A-HA!! He was a people pleaser too! He would saddle up to whomever he thought he was stuck with to make the best of it. We walked out to the yard and the man cut him loose. He did it again, running around, showboating, chasing toys, putting on the whole show. As I stood there and watched him I knew just what he was doing.....he was surviving. A little grace, a lot of fake, but by god he was going to survive. I called his name and bent down again to receive him. He instantly sat, and a paw on each knee looked me in the eye. It was as if he said, your not so different then me....I see you. And, I in turn saw him and myself. The miracle was, the second I realized it, he kissed me. I looked at the man and said how do I take him home? I couldn't even let him go while I filled out the paperwork. Worst yet was my huge fear that a home inspection and references called, and how long would he have to stay? How would he understand, I wasn't breaking my promise, it was the facilities rules. The woman who interviewed me, saw my eyes well when they went to take him away. She intervened, and said let him stay with her. So between me and mom he played with us both, as I filled out all the forms wrote the check, etc. She looked at him, then looked at me and said you can take him with you today, now if you like. I have been volunteering for years, and I know love when I see it. I cried with absolute relief, and new mom panic.... I had just went to look. I had nothing for him. None of that mattered, and I swear my Dudley (who walks like Dudley Moore in Arthur-drunk) walked out the front door with his leash in my hand, tasted freedom and went absolutely bizerk!! Pulling and running, panting, licking me, he ran circles around the car. Funny thing is 10 months later when we moved into our very own apartment on our own, I ran around it room to room just like he did the car. Every day, Dudley teaches me another lesson. The first one being the day I met him. He taught me who I really was, and that, that was perfectly ok!!
Needless to say, the first thing I did when I left the lawyers was go get my four legged Buddha, and we hit the trail. We've been together three years. There was mud shin high and fallen trees. Every couple feet, he would look back at me as if to say "We came for a reason, let us not be stopped." So through the mud we went, over the fallen trees we climbed. When we hit a down slide by the river, he looked at me then jumped in. It was over his head, but he popped up and started swimming, he's fearless. And so am I. I jumped in too.
As we climbed and clawed back up on the bank we were surrounded in this purple tinted sunshine as we sat there. So my thinking is this. In the law firm today, I allowed all those terrible things to "hurt" me again. I relived every moment with every question. Left over soul cleaning maybe....or maybe I allowed myself to feel it one last time, so I would never have to feel it again, but at the end of the day Dudley (my Buddha) and I are brave, a little loud, we jump before we know how deep, and we climb as high as we need to, to get where we wanna go.... to sit quietly with one another reaffirming our love, those that love us, and most of all, the place we were sooooo long ago, is gone now. As I looked down to kiss him on his wet head as he sat content beside me, he looked up and licked my wet face. His was of saying, see mom....we made it. We made it our way. There's too much fun ahead to look back too long, whether it's good or bad. Dudley greatest gift to me wasn't unconditional love, it's not total acceptance. Those were things I needed to give my self. His greatest gift was patience for me to catch up and just be in the moment..... With many blessings, my wish is that you look in a mirror whether it be an animal or an actual mirror and love yourselves. It is the first step to real freedom. And all the good stuff just comes flowing to you after that.
With much much love, and absolute gratitude.... A Girl and her Dog!!
After years of emotional abandonment of my own doing, as I wasn't chained in a basement or anything. I decided to go to the local shelter and find someone, something...to just love me. See that's the wonderful thing about animals, they do what we can most times only imagine. As I walked up and down the aisles looking at one pleading face after another, I was resolved in all my hurt and bitterness to "just look." I came across a fawn colored lab mix, she was scared, sweet, passive, she was in essence me. She upon kneeling down and coaching her to the front of the cage very ill. The whole time I was trying to persuade this little doll to give me an ounce of trust, there was this crazy loud jumping black dog; crying, barking and literally tearing at the grated door. I waved over a person who worked there, and upon his looking at her whisked her off to the back to See the vet. I decided to wait to see if she'd be ok. Since I was waiting, I decided to turn around and see this crazy obnoxiously frantic black mess with a scar between his eyes, and pay him some attention thinking maybe he would quiet down. As I walked over to him, my mom standing just behind me, he sat down and put one calm paw up on the grate door. I bent down and placed my hand on his paw. His eyes caught mine, and mine his. Then that mirror thing happened, you know when you look at something and identify with it immediately? Like looking in a mirror! Not a single difference. I wanted to be that female fawn dog; sweet demure, cautiously trusting, even sick (so I would have a reason for where I was.) But, the truth was, my real mirror was right behind me. Faking it, making the most noise, trying to be the most social and get attention, even though when it is paid to me I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. That was Dudley!! The second we locked eyes, we both knew, we were scared, we were at the end of our roads, but we were going to go down barking! And as soon as we stopped to pay attention to each other, he became calm, a little skittish, then tried to get excited again to bluff me. And I stayed down but got excited too. The man came back to tell me the other dog was too ill for adoption. I told him I hoped she'd be ok, but could I spend some time with Dudley. The man grabbed a leash and he eagerly followed the man, wanting to please. A-HA!! He was a people pleaser too! He would saddle up to whomever he thought he was stuck with to make the best of it. We walked out to the yard and the man cut him loose. He did it again, running around, showboating, chasing toys, putting on the whole show. As I stood there and watched him I knew just what he was doing.....he was surviving. A little grace, a lot of fake, but by god he was going to survive. I called his name and bent down again to receive him. He instantly sat, and a paw on each knee looked me in the eye. It was as if he said, your not so different then me....I see you. And, I in turn saw him and myself. The miracle was, the second I realized it, he kissed me. I looked at the man and said how do I take him home? I couldn't even let him go while I filled out the paperwork. Worst yet was my huge fear that a home inspection and references called, and how long would he have to stay? How would he understand, I wasn't breaking my promise, it was the facilities rules. The woman who interviewed me, saw my eyes well when they went to take him away. She intervened, and said let him stay with her. So between me and mom he played with us both, as I filled out all the forms wrote the check, etc. She looked at him, then looked at me and said you can take him with you today, now if you like. I have been volunteering for years, and I know love when I see it. I cried with absolute relief, and new mom panic.... I had just went to look. I had nothing for him. None of that mattered, and I swear my Dudley (who walks like Dudley Moore in Arthur-drunk) walked out the front door with his leash in my hand, tasted freedom and went absolutely bizerk!! Pulling and running, panting, licking me, he ran circles around the car. Funny thing is 10 months later when we moved into our very own apartment on our own, I ran around it room to room just like he did the car. Every day, Dudley teaches me another lesson. The first one being the day I met him. He taught me who I really was, and that, that was perfectly ok!!
Needless to say, the first thing I did when I left the lawyers was go get my four legged Buddha, and we hit the trail. We've been together three years. There was mud shin high and fallen trees. Every couple feet, he would look back at me as if to say "We came for a reason, let us not be stopped." So through the mud we went, over the fallen trees we climbed. When we hit a down slide by the river, he looked at me then jumped in. It was over his head, but he popped up and started swimming, he's fearless. And so am I. I jumped in too.
As we climbed and clawed back up on the bank we were surrounded in this purple tinted sunshine as we sat there. So my thinking is this. In the law firm today, I allowed all those terrible things to "hurt" me again. I relived every moment with every question. Left over soul cleaning maybe....or maybe I allowed myself to feel it one last time, so I would never have to feel it again, but at the end of the day Dudley (my Buddha) and I are brave, a little loud, we jump before we know how deep, and we climb as high as we need to, to get where we wanna go.... to sit quietly with one another reaffirming our love, those that love us, and most of all, the place we were sooooo long ago, is gone now. As I looked down to kiss him on his wet head as he sat content beside me, he looked up and licked my wet face. His was of saying, see mom....we made it. We made it our way. There's too much fun ahead to look back too long, whether it's good or bad. Dudley greatest gift to me wasn't unconditional love, it's not total acceptance. Those were things I needed to give my self. His greatest gift was patience for me to catch up and just be in the moment..... With many blessings, my wish is that you look in a mirror whether it be an animal or an actual mirror and love yourselves. It is the first step to real freedom. And all the good stuff just comes flowing to you after that.
With much much love, and absolute gratitude.... A Girl and her Dog!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Has your Table been Cleared? "Table clearing..."
I once again don't find it ironic that I am writing this today 9/11/11. It was a day when so many experienced this concept of mine- table clearing. I experienced it 3 years ago. In the past three weeks I have been ( and I truly mean) honored to bear witness of three of my dearest friends tables be cleared. Now, you ask what is it?
Table clearing is a metaphor, if you were to put all the different aspects of you life out on a table, your friends, your family, your job, your home, your connection to certain people, all the details of the life you built. The universe has a way of coming to you and like magic grabs the very corner of the cloth and gives it a good shake, and all you know appears to go flying up in the air in utter chaos and then falling by the way side. Now your thinking "oh my gosh, that's terrible" Right? To have the pieces of your life so disrupted and often times completely lost. And while if this is your perception, you may just in fact be right. So please once again, place just a bit of trust in me and follow this idea, this way of thinking, this metaphor or concept.
Why not view our lives as if we are going to a five star restaurant, with many courses. As you work your way through this delicious meal, you have the remnant's of dirty dishes, and flatware, that no longer serve the next course? Where are we to put the next next delicious things that are sitting under heat lamps waiting to come to your table, but can't because there is no room?? Your table can only hold so much! Much like the universe has heard our good thoughts and dreams and wishes, but we have not made room for them to come to us? That sounds more appealing no? I mean how do we get to the delicious chocolate 7 layer cake dessert with fresh cream on the side, presented on the most beautiful plate, and a brand new clean dessert fork.... you must admit, it would not be your sole focus, or taste nearly as delicious if all those previous dirty dishes were still sitting there. No it is much better to have the table cleared, be presented with a dessert menu and then choose what you want to indulge in, what your really hungry for. What you carefully went through the whole rest of the previous meals, just waiting for the perfect desert.
This again, is what the universe does, it clears the table. It takes away all the previous half eaten meals that you thought you would like only to find it wasn't quite what you thought it was. It didn't taste, quite right. It didn't satisfy that longing you had. And although there were things on the table left that were just perfect, you were finished with them... When the universe clears your table, it removes everything-sometimes a job, a loved one, where you live, a friendship, and old habit that you do just out of habit. This is a gift my friends. Although looking at your life and seeing things fall away, sometimes a few things, sometimes all things leaves a big scary table. But only if you think of it as such. Now, go back to the 5Star restaurant....you see the universe says enough, it's time for dessert, it time for what you long for, what you desire most. And you get to take this beautifully empty table and you and only you choose what you want placed before you next. It allows you to pick up your fork or spoon and say I long to dive into this, or that. Not so scary right? More exciting I think....At the five star restaurant say the previous dish was a heavy meal, you would want something light and fluffy. If you had a light meal with no real substance because in the back of your mind, you knew all along you were going for that heavy huge piece of 7 layer chocolate cake!! Again, if your table has been cleared, do not dwell on what was once there, instead embrace that all the old dirty dishes (obstacles) have been removed for you!! I assure you this doesn't happen when you go to clean out a junk drawer, or a room at a time. that is time consuming, and hard hard work. Having your table cleared is the fast track of the universe saying, here! Clear!! Now what do you really want?? My final thought is this; if in fact you have been gifted a clear table, ask for what you want. What you really want. Your deepest heart's desire. because the universe is listening, it's right there saying what would you like next??? My table was cleared, and I have chosen to fill it with a voice for myself, with health, with abundance, with a chosen family that would surround me in deliciousness and love and acceptance. Yes, I have skipped forward a bit, in regards to a girl and her dog and the journey and lessons we've learned, but it is to let you know; you do get to choose exactly what you want, and receive it. A cleared table is a not a loss, it is a fresh start, a chance to acquire your soul purpose. Even if you weren't sure what it was before, when your table is cleared, you have the room to envision just what that looks like for you! Blessings to you and yours on this very memorable day. Let us appreciate what was once on our tables, and now they've been cleared let us now open up and consciously choose what we want next!!
With much much love...a girl and her dog!
Table clearing is a metaphor, if you were to put all the different aspects of you life out on a table, your friends, your family, your job, your home, your connection to certain people, all the details of the life you built. The universe has a way of coming to you and like magic grabs the very corner of the cloth and gives it a good shake, and all you know appears to go flying up in the air in utter chaos and then falling by the way side. Now your thinking "oh my gosh, that's terrible" Right? To have the pieces of your life so disrupted and often times completely lost. And while if this is your perception, you may just in fact be right. So please once again, place just a bit of trust in me and follow this idea, this way of thinking, this metaphor or concept.
Why not view our lives as if we are going to a five star restaurant, with many courses. As you work your way through this delicious meal, you have the remnant's of dirty dishes, and flatware, that no longer serve the next course? Where are we to put the next next delicious things that are sitting under heat lamps waiting to come to your table, but can't because there is no room?? Your table can only hold so much! Much like the universe has heard our good thoughts and dreams and wishes, but we have not made room for them to come to us? That sounds more appealing no? I mean how do we get to the delicious chocolate 7 layer cake dessert with fresh cream on the side, presented on the most beautiful plate, and a brand new clean dessert fork.... you must admit, it would not be your sole focus, or taste nearly as delicious if all those previous dirty dishes were still sitting there. No it is much better to have the table cleared, be presented with a dessert menu and then choose what you want to indulge in, what your really hungry for. What you carefully went through the whole rest of the previous meals, just waiting for the perfect desert.
This again, is what the universe does, it clears the table. It takes away all the previous half eaten meals that you thought you would like only to find it wasn't quite what you thought it was. It didn't taste, quite right. It didn't satisfy that longing you had. And although there were things on the table left that were just perfect, you were finished with them... When the universe clears your table, it removes everything-sometimes a job, a loved one, where you live, a friendship, and old habit that you do just out of habit. This is a gift my friends. Although looking at your life and seeing things fall away, sometimes a few things, sometimes all things leaves a big scary table. But only if you think of it as such. Now, go back to the 5Star restaurant....you see the universe says enough, it's time for dessert, it time for what you long for, what you desire most. And you get to take this beautifully empty table and you and only you choose what you want placed before you next. It allows you to pick up your fork or spoon and say I long to dive into this, or that. Not so scary right? More exciting I think....At the five star restaurant say the previous dish was a heavy meal, you would want something light and fluffy. If you had a light meal with no real substance because in the back of your mind, you knew all along you were going for that heavy huge piece of 7 layer chocolate cake!! Again, if your table has been cleared, do not dwell on what was once there, instead embrace that all the old dirty dishes (obstacles) have been removed for you!! I assure you this doesn't happen when you go to clean out a junk drawer, or a room at a time. that is time consuming, and hard hard work. Having your table cleared is the fast track of the universe saying, here! Clear!! Now what do you really want?? My final thought is this; if in fact you have been gifted a clear table, ask for what you want. What you really want. Your deepest heart's desire. because the universe is listening, it's right there saying what would you like next??? My table was cleared, and I have chosen to fill it with a voice for myself, with health, with abundance, with a chosen family that would surround me in deliciousness and love and acceptance. Yes, I have skipped forward a bit, in regards to a girl and her dog and the journey and lessons we've learned, but it is to let you know; you do get to choose exactly what you want, and receive it. A cleared table is a not a loss, it is a fresh start, a chance to acquire your soul purpose. Even if you weren't sure what it was before, when your table is cleared, you have the room to envision just what that looks like for you! Blessings to you and yours on this very memorable day. Let us appreciate what was once on our tables, and now they've been cleared let us now open up and consciously choose what we want next!!
With much much love...a girl and her dog!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Because we have asked...Why ask why?
As I start to go back through my journals, and make the commitment to share my story with each of you, I have been "gifted" the view of hindsight. Now we all know that it's 20/20. So let us try and make some good use of it shall we?
At the time, I asked for everything to stop, and it indeed stopped. On a dime! But it is through my reflection back, that I can see the good. Believe me at the time, I was stressed beyond belief, so my prayer being answered did not feel like an answered request. Quite the opposite, it felt like a punishment!! One that did not seem deserved, warranted, or wanted. This is because I was in the middle of it, with no knowledge of how to pull back from the immediacy of the situation. Nor did I know that obstacles (and that is the last time I will use that word) were in fact opportunities. You see, I was so out of touch with my inner and higher self, I lacked the perspective of it doesn't matter how change occurs, the important part is; First, it does. Secondly, it is always for our higher good.
So please trust me just a bit here. It is the best advice I have to offer. And it is as true as the days are long. Anything that happens to us, is neither bad (negative) or good (positive.) It is just an occurrence. WE ARE the ones that attach either a positive or negative to it. It's all just energy, matching our energies, that through the dynamics of physics are drawn to us. If you don't understand this concept, please please post a question, and I will gladly explain. We are all at different points in our awareness. So I am assuming a bit that most of you understand what I am speaking of....
So, we have something happen. It is neutral. ALWAYS. It is only because of our past experiences and whether we saw them as good or bad, that we relate the current event in comparison. This is where we stunt our growth. Our pasts do NOT dictate our futures. So here's the trick, no matter how badly your head, your heart, your emotions want you to feel that what just happened is bad; is an illusion. Some of what we relate as the most traumatic events in our life are our most precious gifts. This is not a wishy washy hallmark greeting card make you feel better line. This is raw truth.
Here is where I ask a favor. I ask you to think back, at something that happened that hurt. Initially, those feelings of pain will come flying back, lump in the throat and all. Go ahead and accept these feelings. This is crucial to healing. Let it wash over you, as you saw it unfold then, as you felt back then. Allow it. NOW stop.
Look back again, and let go of those feelings, they are in the past and can not hurt you again, unless you allow it, and you just did, so it's time to move on. Look back again, but this time find something good that ultimately came from that event. Take your time. For some of you this will be easy, others more difficult. and still other's that say- Nichole your crazy!!! There is nothing good!
If that's the case please post to me, email me, call me. I will help you find the good, because the good is always there for us if we choose to find it!!
In closing, I can stand before one person, or a stadium and say my car accident, my life falling to utter pieces as I knew it was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. Period.
One more thing, I am sharing...but it really isn't sharing unless you and I are both doing it. Otherwise, it's just me rambling. So, the second part of my favor.....post the event you picked, tell me how you felt then, then tell me how you felt after this little exercise. Tell me the good. Tell me your not sure, just tell me your truth as you see it and we will take it from there.....this is our very first step.
With much love, and absolute gratitude......I hope to talk to you soon!!
At the time, I asked for everything to stop, and it indeed stopped. On a dime! But it is through my reflection back, that I can see the good. Believe me at the time, I was stressed beyond belief, so my prayer being answered did not feel like an answered request. Quite the opposite, it felt like a punishment!! One that did not seem deserved, warranted, or wanted. This is because I was in the middle of it, with no knowledge of how to pull back from the immediacy of the situation. Nor did I know that obstacles (and that is the last time I will use that word) were in fact opportunities. You see, I was so out of touch with my inner and higher self, I lacked the perspective of it doesn't matter how change occurs, the important part is; First, it does. Secondly, it is always for our higher good.
So please trust me just a bit here. It is the best advice I have to offer. And it is as true as the days are long. Anything that happens to us, is neither bad (negative) or good (positive.) It is just an occurrence. WE ARE the ones that attach either a positive or negative to it. It's all just energy, matching our energies, that through the dynamics of physics are drawn to us. If you don't understand this concept, please please post a question, and I will gladly explain. We are all at different points in our awareness. So I am assuming a bit that most of you understand what I am speaking of....
So, we have something happen. It is neutral. ALWAYS. It is only because of our past experiences and whether we saw them as good or bad, that we relate the current event in comparison. This is where we stunt our growth. Our pasts do NOT dictate our futures. So here's the trick, no matter how badly your head, your heart, your emotions want you to feel that what just happened is bad; is an illusion. Some of what we relate as the most traumatic events in our life are our most precious gifts. This is not a wishy washy hallmark greeting card make you feel better line. This is raw truth.
Here is where I ask a favor. I ask you to think back, at something that happened that hurt. Initially, those feelings of pain will come flying back, lump in the throat and all. Go ahead and accept these feelings. This is crucial to healing. Let it wash over you, as you saw it unfold then, as you felt back then. Allow it. NOW stop.
Look back again, and let go of those feelings, they are in the past and can not hurt you again, unless you allow it, and you just did, so it's time to move on. Look back again, but this time find something good that ultimately came from that event. Take your time. For some of you this will be easy, others more difficult. and still other's that say- Nichole your crazy!!! There is nothing good!
If that's the case please post to me, email me, call me. I will help you find the good, because the good is always there for us if we choose to find it!!
In closing, I can stand before one person, or a stadium and say my car accident, my life falling to utter pieces as I knew it was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. Period.
One more thing, I am sharing...but it really isn't sharing unless you and I are both doing it. Otherwise, it's just me rambling. So, the second part of my favor.....post the event you picked, tell me how you felt then, then tell me how you felt after this little exercise. Tell me the good. Tell me your not sure, just tell me your truth as you see it and we will take it from there.....this is our very first step.
With much love, and absolute gratitude......I hope to talk to you soon!!
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